Now, children, please be patient. It’s not as bad as it looks. The exit lights look brighter because all the other lights have been turned off to save money. Hold your classmates’ hand if you’re scared.
Your desks have been sold, but forever drywall has agreed to donate some used 5 gallon buckets to sit on. Until they arrive you’ll have to sit on the carpet. Wait, oh no! That’s gone too.
Yes, I know it’s cold. The school administrators have agreed to keep the heat on high enough to keep the toilets functional, although you won’t want to sit on them too long.
It might also pay to bring a roll of toilet paper from home and keep it inside your bucket to use as needed.
I have prepared a note for each pupil to deliver to their parents concerning our new dress code, which is to be a minimum of thermal underwear, two shirts, insulated pants and boots, and a warm hat and gloves with the fingers removed so you can write your lessons.
Let’s open our economics textbook to page 183 and get star... What? The books have been sold too?
$180,000 here, $180,000 there — what’s the big deal!
Darryl S. Burkhardt