My jaw must have been hanging on the floor all those years ago as I looked at the nurse and said, "Could you repeat that?"
"Your blood tests came back positive," she responded. "You're pregnant. Isn't that what you came in for? A blood test to see if you were pregnant?"
It was the exact opposite. I was here to get blood work done because I was to have a tubal ligation in a week. As I left the office holding my 9-month-old son Brady, I went to pick up my oldest son Jesse from school. I was in shock to say the least.
I am telling you this because what happened was I gave birth to a beautiful, strong-willed, independent, determined sweet and loving daughter. She has made me become a better mother because of her presence in my life.
She wrote me the letter that follows and I want her to know that the strength and joy she somehow sees in me is actually a refection of her spirit. She has made me stronger.
Thank you, Megan.
"I never understood how these things happened. How sporadic and utterly random they seemed, like a storm dropping (from) the sky.
"Despite 26 years of dedication to eating organic foods, my lighthearted mother was struck from the sky and poisoned with a thing that I now fear more than ever: cancer.
"My heart dropped through my body so fast, an anvil could not catch up to it. All at once, I was untouchable, for my shell had been ignited with an unbelievable sadness, and I feared I might break with the slightest tap.
"Maybe 'best friend' is not a strong enough word for her. Maybe a word doesn't even exist. It is a collection of experiences and tiny moments with her that give me the feeling that I feel for my mom today.
"I wish I could write them all and make you feel them like I do. I've seen her laugh so hard, I thought we'd be giving her mouth-to-mouth if she didn't take a breath soon. Or maybe that was me, laughing hysterically right next to her.
"We have been utterly content before, arm in arm like we were the only people who could fill each other's needs. And she's cried. She's made this cold heart plummet to the bottom of its hole and hang its head in compassion.
"With all of the greatness that is my mom, I'd like to think that I could be a continuation of her. Yet, no matter how strong I think I am, my mother has touched the edge of darkness -- the darkest of dark, and come back to smile on us still.
"It takes an extraordinary person to be able to do that. People might say that cancer will rape you of your strength and poison you with fear, but my mom was able to make some use of it.
"I have never witnessed someone love life and want to be alive as much as her. In essence of the phrase, she is living each day like it is her last, even under the most challenging of circumstances. I am just lucky to be the offspring of such a remarkable human being who is able to refract light so it illuminates dark."
Jill Worden lives near Lake Ann. Married and the mother of three, she writes occasionally about her experiences as a survivor of breast cancer. She can be reached care of the Record-Eagle or at keepgoing2day@yahoo.com.
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