Traverse City Record-Eagle

Archive: Sunday

January 6, 2013

Filling in the blanks of 2012

The year 2012 is officially over — and not in a catastrophic Mayan calendar way.

I'd categorize 2012 as a Charles Dickens year: the best and worst of times. However, a literary reference seems too cerebral to sum up the last 365 odd days. I'd call 2012 pure Mad Libs.

Mad Libs use funny, absurd, crass or just plain dumb fill-in-the-blank responses to tell a story.

This past year provided plenty of fodder — too much, really. It was impossible to squeeze all the political, pop culture and world event happenings into so few newspaper columns.

I've decided to rectify the problem Mad Libs style, but with a multiple-choice twist. Below are highlights from several of my 2012 columns with fill-in-the-blank spaces. Simply select a standout 2012 reference to complete the sentences.

n Many miracles percolate in my magic coffee can — Feb. 27, 2012

"Call me nuts or ___, but I'm proud to be a hardware hoarder."

a. Clint Eastwood talking to a chair

b. Patricia "Tanning Mom" Krentcil

c. A NHL season ticket holder

n Hair can mean more than style — May 21, 2012

"My hair is in follicle free fall; it's retreating faster than ___."

a. Lance Armstrong sponsors

b. Gen. David Petraeus

c. The captain of the Italian cruise ship Costa Concordia

n The trick is to find the treat in a scary world — Oct. 29, 2012

"Deep down I knew the whole thing was as fake as ___."

a. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

b. NFL replacement refs

c. Can't-miss Facebook stock advice

n My inner child finds another shiny object — Jan. 16, 2012

"Proof of the male's brain inability to function on a higher level is found in ___."

a. Mitt Romney's binders full of women

b. Former Congressman Todd Akin

c. Prince Harry's royal member

n Waiting for premium-grade gasoline cologne — Jan. 23, 2012]

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