In the new book, "Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light," we learn that in her more private writing, Mother Teresa wrote of strong doubts and the great length of her "dark night."
I am encouraged by Mother Teresa's honesty and courage. I believe Teresa's angst and agony are perfectly understandable within one who worked with the poorest of the poor under the most wretched of conditions. To know that whatever you do has but "momentary meaning" followed by the death of the one to whom you extend love is, for any feeling person, gut-wrenching. To choose to live in the darkness of the other's despair is to accept a vulnerability to the diseases of the body and mind, yet, all the more so of the soul.
Fr. Henri Nouwen, sharing his definition of spirituality, wrote, "The spiritual life is reaching out to our innermost self, to our fellow human beings and to our God. We are called to reach out with courageous honesty to our innermost self, with relentless care to our fellow human beings, and with increasing prayer to our God."
Mother Teresa consciously and consistently lived Nouwen's spiritual life. Her willingness to look so deeply inward as to discover her deepest fears and to work outward without regard to the answers or non answers from God made her a woman of valor and a person of extraordinary courage. Moreover, doubt is not necessarily the opposite of belief; it can become the road to belief.
In Judaism, we are often taught about the three foundational beliefs: God, Torah and the peoplehood of Israel. The question arises: "What if I am not sure, even doubtful, about the reality of God. Must I follow the commandments?"
And the rabbis offer the following answer: "To follow the commandments (living a moral, ethical and purposeful life) leads to days of meaning and wholeness. And one day you may realize behind this way of life is God. But, if you do not come to such a belief, you will have lived the life all caring people share."
Thomas Merton wrote: "For me to be a saint means to be myself. Therefore the problem of sanctity and salvation is in fact the problem of finding out who I am and of discovering my true self."
I look forward to reading and discussing Mother Teresa's letters and journals. And I sense that her willingness to be fully and vulnerably human and to give beyond what she may have thought was hers to give are the traits some will understand as saintly.
Albert Micah Lewis is rabbi of Congregation Beth El in Traverse City, a member of the Governor's Commission on Aging and director of the Aquinas Emeritus College in Grand Rapids.
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