Traverse City Record-Eagle

March 12, 2013

Mike Pound: Congress could use furlough

Mike Pound
Traverse City Record-Eagle

---- — I’m waiting for our Congress creatures to start furloughing themselves.

I mean, it’s the only fair thing to do now that the sequester is under way. By the way, I’m only guessing that a sequester can actually be under way. I mean, I think sequester is a noun but it could also be a verb. It might even be a gerund but I’ve forgotten what a gerund is. I think a gerund is either a noun-like verb or it’s a type of pickle.

Back to our Congress creatures. It seems to me that since this whole sequester thing is their fault, the least they can do is take unpaid furloughs like other federal workers may have to do at some point.

It’s only fair.

The whole point of the sequester in the first place was to force our Congress creatures to agree on ways to reduce the federal deficit. The idea, as I understand it, was that the threat of the sequester would be enough for our Congress creatures to get off their Limbaughs and finally agree on something.

At the time it didn’t seem like that big of a deal until somebody said, “Oh wait! You mean THIS Congress?”

Now people are saying that if the sequester continues, federal workers are going to have to start taking unpaid furloughs. Granted, calling our Congress creatures federal “workers” is a bit of a stretch but they do get paid for what they do (or don’t do).

I think our Congress creatures would set a great example for the rest of the country if they would lead the way with unpaid furloughs. They would set an even better example if they would stop mailing out those dumb Congressional newsletters. I don’t know what our Congress creatures pay to send out those newsletters, but whatever they pay, it’s too much.

As long as we’re talking about ways our Congress creatures can save money, we can start making John Boehner pay for his own tanning sessions. Again, I don’t know what John pays for his tanning sessions, but whatever he pays, it’s too much.

We could also charge our Congress creatures to use the Congressional restroom. Again, it’s only fair.

I read recently about a restaurant in Tennessee that tried to charge a women $5 because she used the restaurant’s restroom but didn’t order anything to eat or drink.

I’m figuring that since our Congress creatures aren’t doing anything of value for us, they should have to pay to use the bathrooms. I’m thinking $10 would be a fair price. Well, $25 if you’re a Republican. Ha! That’s a joke. Both Republicans and Democrats should have to pay $25.

Of course, there is one guy who won’t have a problem having to pay to use the little Congress creature’s room, and that guy is Rand Paul. By the way, is it just me, or does Rand Paul’s name sound like it’s backward?

Anyway, Rand, a Republican senator from Kentucky, spoke for almost 13 hours to delay a vote on the new CIA director.

Of course, after Rand stop talking the rest of the senators sort of yawned and voted to confirm the new CIA director anyway.

Folks call what Rand did a “filibuster.” I call what Rand did a “giant waste of time.”

See, I don’t want a senator to talk for 13 hours. I want a senator to end the sequester.

But maybe that’s just me.

So, until the sequester deal is settled, I say our Congress creatures should have to take one week a month off without pay. They can take their unpaid days off all at once or they can take a couple days every week.

Either way, I don’t think anyone else will notice.

Mike Pound is a columnist for The Joplin (Mo.) Globe. Contact him a mpound@joplinglobe. com.