Published: November 02, 2009 10:51 am      

What's with the anger?

Tempers are boiling and fuses are short these days

TRAVERSE CITY -- Outbursts. Rage. Extreme crankiness.

Uncontrolled anger can damage your life and the lives of those around you.

It's the misbehaving reality television starlet, or the frustrated driver in the car next to yours. It's Rep. Joe Wilson, tennis champ Serena Williams, and rapper Kanye West behaving badly. Or, maybe, it's you.

"The more stressers there are, obviously, they do lead to bigger anger issues, it is sort of that trickle-down effect," said Barbara Reynolds, a parent educator at Michigan State University Extension Grand Traverse County.

Some anger can be "provoked by economic downturns or stress in a family," said Traverse City therapist Grant Porteous of Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services. People who could manage during "better times" may "get overwhelmed when the perfect storm hits," he said. Losing a job or a relationship may take some people over the edge of their ability to cope.

Anger can move into all aspects of life, from family to work. C. Leslie Charles observed its impact when she researched her book "Why Is Everyone So Cranky," released a decade ago.

At one point, the East Lansing author collected so many examples of anger that she toyed with the idea of writing a "rage alphabet." "A" is for "air rage" -- planes forced to land due to conflicts on board. "B" could have been for "barking dog" or, maybe, "bad snow removal" -- Charles had heard of violence caused by both situations.

Charles thinks "crankiness" in society is less intense than when she wrote her book. There's still anger, but she thinks the poor economy caused some to feel gratitude for what they do have.

"Language is always an indicator of what's going on. The word 'rage' is not appearing in our headlines every day as it once was," she said. "A lot of people are simplifying their lives ..., changing their perspective of what's really, really important."

Those who do grapple with anger should know it's a "secondary emotion" provoked by fear, injustice or some other trigger, Porteous said.

"The guy comes home, and he kicks the dog," he said. "Is he mad at the dog? No."

Reynolds, who leads local anger management workshops for parents, said a key is to recognize where anger begins. The class runs about three times a year and is one of the most-requested and best-attended classes she offers. She teaches people they have a choice about how to respond when they feel angry. Parents also should be mindful that their children "learn what they see," Reynolds said.

In the work place, conflict can arise from "systemic" problems, said Barbara Jordan Ellis, who runs the Traverse City-based Center for Coaching and Leadership Development. Conflict arises when employees don't have the tools needed to do a job or lack information.

When Ellis leads a workshop she often asks who has had classes in debate and speech. Many hands go up. But few or none have had a class in conflict resolution, which is a "critical life competency to be successful," she said.

It's also necessary for employers to deal with conflict appropriately, especially in a tough economy. A majority of voluntary terminations occur because of unresolved conflict, and it consumes a good portion of a manager's time, Ellis said.

"You can't afford to be putting your time into that when you could be putting it into getting new business," she said.

Some employees may avoid conflict more in a poor economy because they don't want to do anything to jeopardize their jobs, said Ellis. Or, as companies lay off workers, people can grow competitive and "more cut-throat."

"The pressure, the stress, the financial stress, the uncertainty, the fear -- I think more than ever organizations and management need to create an environment where people can voice their questions (and) concerns," she said.

The state of the economy may be related to another troublesome need. Jo Bullis, of the Women's Resource Center, noted an increase in the requests for services from victims of domestic violence. She also observed more severe injuries, but doesn't know what to attribute that to. Bullis wonders if some instances of domestic violence are not reported to police because of fear that if a partner is arrested, the family will lose needed income.

Anger tips

TRAVERSE CITY -- Boiling over?

Local experts shared pointers (beyond counting to 10) on how to deal with anger and get past the rage.

n Avoid e-mail: When angry, refrain from responding through e-mail, advised Barbara Jordan Ellis of the Traverse City-based Center for Coaching and Leadership Development. Sometimes, people "get upset and zip off this fiery e-mail, and then, they sit back, and they can't take it back," she said.

Her rule: "E-mail is not an appropriate place to deal with conflict." Non-verbal communication can be misconstrued because the reader can't hear the tone of voice. It also leaves a record of the exchange, or it could be sent to the wrong person.

n Keep a journal: Grant Porteous, a Traverse City therapist, recommends journaling daily.

You don't have to write 'War and Peace,'" he said. "Mad in traffic" will suffice.

Then, journal-keepers should rank how angry they got and how intense the anger was on a scale from one to 10. This practice teaches people to "catch their thoughts," Porteous said.

n Notice the body: Learn what it feels like to be angry. Expressions such as "don't get your back up" ring true because people's bodies change with anger, Porteous said.

Backs stiffen, stomachs churn, necks swell. Those responses can signal "something's starting here," he said. Porteous recommends four to five deep breathing exercises, doing some shoulder shrugs or stepping away for a minute to the rest room.

n Spot what is really going on: Anger is a "secondary emotion," experts said.

It's worry or fear or embarrassment, shame," said Barbara Reynolds, a local parent educator. "That's where it starts, and we may not recognize that."

n Ask the "calming questions": That's what author C. Leslie Charles calls three questions she encourages people to ask themselves. The first: "Is this annoyance small, medium or large?" The second: "Should I blow up or blow it off?" The third: "If it is a big deal, how upset should I get and how long should I stay upset?"

Creating a "hierarchy of annoyance" allows people to express the emotion "responsibly," she said.

-- By Vanessa McCray