December 24, 2007 04:00 am The holidays seem to shine a spotlight on people going through tough times. It's like they can go along just trying to cope, but come the holidays, it's right there, in their face: be happy, whether you have it in you or not. Two women whose mothers passed away one year ago now come to mind. So does a woman whose teen son recently died. The holidays cast a glaring light on the empty places at their tables, and in their hearts. I think of another woman whose husband deserted her a few months ago. She, too, is struggling, wanting the holidays over before they even started. Then there is Brian Soloman. The Traverse City soldier's wife, Jill, miraculously survived a rare amniotic fluid embolism while giving birth in early December 2006, just as Brian returned from a deployment in Iraq. Jill went to a rehabilitation hospital in Grand Rapids for a while. Back here at home, the community offered an outpouring of support, with a fund raiser netting more than $20,000 for the family's unpaid medical and related expenses. Finally, she came home. Brian was elated, as was everyone else. But after a bit, Jill's condition plateaued. Improvements in her speech and motor skills have come in baby steps since. While Jill can interact with their children a little, she can't care for now 1-year-old Ethan and 4-year-old Morgan, and is limited in what she can do for herself. Her 16-year-old daughter from an earlier relationship, who had lived with them, moved to her father's house. Brian also has a 9-year-old son from a previous relationship he spends time with. For most of this last year, Brian, with help from family, tried to keep up with being mom, dad and caregiver. That was while working full-time for the Army, which had generously reassigned him to Traverse City. It was an exhausting -- and frustrating -- regimen. Meanwhile, Brian said Jill is very frustrated. She only wants to be "normal" again, he said, fully able to carry on her life as before. Recently, Brian and family members were thrilled to get approval for state assistance to provide an aide weekdays for Jill. They also get a few aide hours on weekends, which Brian said gives him a little time to focus on the kids and catch up on his own stuff. The aide has been a godsend. Brian will return to a civilian job soon -- the same investment work he did before he was inspired by the events of Sept. 11, 2001 to join the Army. Financially, there is no choice. And he can't be deployed again, not with Jill unable to take charge at home. Now it's Christmas, and Brian wishes for normalcy --- or the closest thing to it. He's got time off coming. Having the aide there will mean he can spend time with the kids -- and with Jill, not solely as caregiver, but as husband. Which is all he ever wanted when he married her. "I'd do anything," he said, "to make her happy."
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Kathy Gibbons