Traverse City Record-Eagle - Kathy Gibbons: Northern Living

Kathy Gibbons: Things could be worse
Age 22, he was waiting at the door of the Father Fred Foundation in Traverse City early one morning recently when the staff arrived. It was cold and damp out, and he said he'd been walking all night -- all the way from Northport -- because he got word the previous evening that his mom had fallen seriously ill and was in the hospital in Charlevoix. With no money or car, he walked through the night, to the foundation, hoping to get help with a bus ticket.
Kathy Gibbons: Roadside determination
When I first saw him, it was early evening. I was on my way home and in the distance, could see the outline of a tall man walking on the rocky shoulder of what is a busy road. Slowly, steadily, he moved. He was wearing shorts, and as I got closer, I realized that his limbs below the knees were too skinny. Steel prosthetics, both legs.
Kathy Gibbons: Wishing doesn't make it so
During the past few months, I had the opportunity to work in a private nonprofit organization. It is often a stop of last resort for people who need help with utility shutoffs, paying for medications, getting food and myriad other needs. With little or no income, it's impossible for them to cover the basic expenses of everyday living.
Kathy Gibbons: Starting over
Recent months since have been all about rebuilding and figuring out what the next step should be, couched in no small amount of self-doubt, confusion about the best choices to make going forward, and plain old worry. Then I saw some new words of wisdom on a business sign that I drive by regularly and that over the years, at times, seemed to speak directly to me. This latest message read, "It's never too late to start over."
Kathy Gibbons: Spreading fairy dust
There are times that you do things for other people, just because you want to. Receiving anything in return is the last thing on your mind. Something happened recently, though, to make me think that while these things may happen separately, they can be inextricably linked.
Kathy Gibbons: Birth to bride in a blink
You know your kids are probably going to get married. When they find someone you are certain in your heart is a perfect match, you know it all the more " and that was the case here. With her at his side, he grew up and into a man who knew where he was going and what he wanted.
Kathy Gibbons: Cheesed at the checkout
At the checkout, the cashier rings it up, then says, "Oh, but I have to give you a discount," and deducts 13 cents. Huh? What discount?
Kathy Gibbons: TV lament hits home
At 53 and in the job market for the first time in 17 years, it had never occurred to me that age could be an issue until I was at an interview a few months ago. Two of the three interviewers were around 30.
Kathy Gibbons: Love in unlikely places
Today, when so many marriages end in divorce, you can't help but be moved by love and commitment that spans a lifetime. There were these two, having weathered not one, but two losses that most parents can't imagine enduring.
Kathy Gibbons: Dad has day to savor
Pete Torrey has a lot to celebrate this Father's Day. Until a few weeks ago, the 43-year-old Traverse City father of two was unemployed. When he lost his job seven months ago, he also learned that his mother had breast cancer. But a few weeks ago, Torrey started a new job as operations manager at Bloxsom Roofing and Siding in Traverse City.
Kathy Gibbons: Out of the chute
Today marks the beginning of a new direction for this column for a while. After writing for the past 17 years or so about life in general, starting today I'm writing about one particular part of life: doing whatever it takes to find a job and pay the bills right now.
Kathy Gibbons: What to call him?
There are a lot of weird things about being divorced and dating your former spouse. Like, how do you refer to each other when making introductions, especially to strangers or acquaintances who don't know the story?
Kathy Gibbons: Worth 1,000 words
It was my last day of restaurant ownership. I'd started the business not quite a year before, full of hopes and dreams and ideas. But as time went on, it became clear to me that I was underfunded and overtaxed -- literally and figuratively.
Kathy Gibbons: Alive with sound of Julie
Because of the State Theatre, my niece was able to experience the same thing a great-grandmother she never got to meet gave my sister and me more than 40 years ago.
Kathy Gibbons: Not always a second chance
So there I am a few weeks ago, coming up for air after a particularly hectic month, and it hits me. I didn't go to her on Valentine's Day this year. At least I had called her sometime in January, just to catch up. But Valentine's Day blew right by me.
Kathy Gibbons: Gaffe's a good reminder
Who among us has not done the open-mouth-insert-foot routine, uttering something that is not appropriate and worse, doesn't accurately reflect who we are or our actual beliefs? When I have done that, I make amends as best I can, then try to shake it off and move forward vowing not to let it happen again. That's all the president can do.
Kathy Gibbons: 2,178 pennies
Ben Richardson's dad had planned to take him backpacking as a college graduation present. But Ben's father died last year. So in his memory, the 21-year-old from Traverse City will hike on his own after he graduates. On the Appalachian Trail, from Georgia to Maine.
Kathy Gibbons: Get-a-life department
So I'm on the phone with the computer company for the second night in a week. I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe it was the fact that he was rooting around on my cluttered desktop, a little like having someone rummage through your underwear drawer. Or maybe it was that we'd spent so much time together on the phone -- nearly three hours. But I had begun to feel we had a bond.
Kathy Gibbons: Other side of age fence
Older men who try to pick up younger girls might do well to see how it looks from the other side.
Kathy Gibbons: Funeral proselytizing?
The pastor said a few things about the deceased, then began talking about faith. His faith. And why other people should consider embracing his faith. And why they were missing the boat if they didn't at least give it some thought. At first, it was fine. Then, it seemed to go on too long. I wondered what her family was thinking about it.
Kathy Gibbons: Shut up and write?
I don't often write on politics. But like millions of Americans, I have felt we have been living under a shroud of everything that's wrong for a very long time. So I was moved to write about my optimism for this new year with our new president. Oh boy.
Kathy Gibbons: The glass as half full
A new year. A chance to begin again. It's time for all of us optimists to dig even deeper and reaffirm our resolve to believe things are going to get better for our country and our economy in 2009.
Kathy Gibbons: Room at the inn
It was their tradition. Every Christmas, this Traverse City couple spent the day together, just the two of them. The husband died earlier this year. For his 74-year-old widow, that has meant trying to learn to go on without him after 30 years of married life. Not long ago, she heard how students at Traverse City's alternative public high school had started a pantry to collect food, personal grooming and other items. That piqued her interest.
Kathy Gibbons: Needing to know
All Shelley wanted for her 59th birthday was a little pink piece of paper. But she had to wait. Shelley, which is not her real name, was diagnosed with breast cancer five years ago. At the time, she underwent surgery and radiation. Then came twice-yearly mammographies, to be sure the cancer was gone. She found that frequency reassuring.
Kathy Gibbons: Too much reality
Hello again. Six months ago when I left the Record-Eagle, this column stopped appearing in the paper. Since then, I've heard from a variety of people that they missed seeing it here. I have also missed writing it, and the exchange with readers that had been part of it during the 16 years it ran. Well, the editor and I have decided to resume this column on an every-other-week basis.
Kathy Gibbons: A trip down memory lane
Still, 16 years here and several freelancing before that is a substantial chunk of time. And coming up with remembrances to talk about at a party was a trip down memory lane.
Kathy Gibbons: Overlooking selling point
So son applies to a bunch of graduate schools. He gets into several. Some are in interesting places -- New Mexico, Massachusetts, Colorado. And then there is Muncie, Indiana.
Kathy Gibbons: Risk can be all right
I've been writing weekly like this for about 15 years, monthly for a few years before that, and feel I've come to know you collectively -- and a lot of you individually -- in that time. Now I've been laying the groundwork to start a business and it's time to take the plunge.
Kathy Gibbons: Senior (discount) moments
When do you reach the point that you actually wish you qualified for the senior discount, rather than being put off when it's proffered before your time?
Kathy Gibbons: Being grownup
The older I get, the more I feel that an important part of this process called life is gaining insight over time into things that didn't seem as clear before.
Kathy Gibbons: Wanted: Parents for six
A feature that always made an impression on me in another newspaper was "A Child is Waiting." It ran regularly, with pictures and little profiles of children available for adoption. Well, here in Traverse City six children are waiting — all in one family.
Kathy Gibbons: Truth is preferable
Growing up the oldest of five, attending Catholic school, I developed a strong sense of responsibility -- and guilt. So I tried to be good. Because if I wasn't, I might have to lie about it. And I didn't like lying. It made me feel red-faced and sick.
Kathy Gibbons: Not just a prop
Watching the unfortunate events in New York unfold involving married Gov. Eliot Spitzer's allegedly hiring call girls, including the obligatory press conferences with long-suffering wife at his side, so many things came to mind.
Kathy Gibbons: Kindness tips the scales
A woman I know had a really bad day. I told her later that all it would have taken to get the tears flowing for sure would have been some stranger doing something nice for her. Because that's what happens.
Kathy Gibbons: Readers ask the darndest things
Many readers don't have Internet access, or if they do, some find it easier to call us for information. I hope that never changes. I like the idea that a newspaper remains a focal point in people's minds.
Kathy Gibbons: Before girls go wild, watch this
The confession of Joran Van der Sloot should be required viewing for any girl heading to Mexico or similar spot for spring break. Van der Sloot is the Dutch student long suspected in having something to do with the 2005 disappearance of American teen Natalee Holloway on spring break in Aruba. Her body was never found.
Kathy Gibbons: Fashionably frumpy not the goal
I've often thought that there are basically two types of women in the world -- metaphorically speaking, that is: Women who leave bathroom stalls smelling noticeably sweet and pretty, and the ones who don't.
Kathy Gibbons: Embracing Valentine's Day
The other day, I mentioned to someone that I don't like Valentine's Day. One really bad Valentine's Day a long time ago kind of killed it for the ones that came after. A few other women have told me similar stories.
Kathy Gibbons: Catching up on minks, memory
Today is for catching up. A few weeks ago, I wrote about mink and its popularity with earlier generations. Several people wrote to reminisce -- including one grandmother who thought I was making fun of those who loved mink. I wasn't; I was just reflecting on it.
Kathy Gibbons: Funeral home comes alive
When Peg Jonkhoff woke up the morning of the Michigan presidential primary, she didn't know she'd be playing host to a candidate for president in her family's Traverse City funeral home.
Kathy Gibbons: Iraq snow melts away too fast
It created a healing, soothing picture. For a moment. I'm talking about the news that came from Baghdad a week ago Friday. It had snowed for the first time in recent memory in the heart of the Iraqi capital.
Kathy Gibbons: Grandma's warning proves all too true
She is old enough to know better. I mean, it wasn't my generation that originated the admonishment to always dress in underwear that won't embarrass you, because you never know when you might get in an accident and end up at the hospital. So here's a story about a woman I know from one of those older generations. It was the holidays. Things were hectic. She had gotten way behind on chores, including laundry.
Kathy Gibbons: Musing on mink and another generation
Mink has never been on my radar. Even if I had the money, I'd rather use it for a nice vacation, or even better, a really cool stove. Not so our grandmothers. I was reminded of that attending a funeral visitation for a friend's grandma. It was clear she had been a beautiful and elegant woman. And draped softly around her shoulders was a simple mink stole.
Kathy Gibbons: Eye-opening look at PR in Acme tactics
Call me naive. It has been 30 years since I earned a degree in journalism. But before coming here, I had journalism and public relations jobs. But I never imagined the role of public relations was to conduct major subterfuge -- even sabotage -- on behalf of a client.
Kathy Gibbons: Reality can really hit home at Christmas
The holidays seem to shine a spotlight on people going through tough times. It's like they can go along just trying to cope, but come the holidays, it's right there, in their face: be happy, whether you have it in you or not.
Kathy Gibbons: Buying American a challenge
My brother got me to thinking about this. First, I must say you would never know that he and I were born in the same blue state, from the same blue parents. While I have stayed true to my roots, there have been times in the past decade or so that I've wanted to write Rush Limbaugh to ask what he did with my brother and would he please return him.
Kathy Gibbons: Questions, passwords tax hard drive
So it was an email from the cell phone company with the directive to update the security question on my account. They said it no longer is safe to use your mother's maiden name, city of birth or father's middle name -- I guess those are things other people could find out easy enough -- and to come up with something else.
Making up the rules as we go along
It must have started in childhood. I'm talking about that primal, oh-so-certain feeling of when things are fair, and they aren't; when you try to do the right thing, and other people don't. It can make for some silly moments in adulthood.
Kathy Gibbons: Crocodile tears when dog doesn't come
I am part of a big family of people who: 1. Have dogs; 2. Have cats; or 3. Have no pets at all. There's a cat at my house and she hates everyone. She barely tolerates people, and if a dog comes, she hides until the last bark fades as they pull out of the driveway. Then there's me. I like dogs enough, and plan to have one someday when I want someone to take care of again.