I got busted by U.S. Customs.
When I came back from a recent trip to Canada, I was chosen for a random check at the border. At first, I thought it was exciting and kind of fun.
As it went on, however, I just got annoyed.
Apparently, Customs is not technically part of the U.S. We don't have civil rights at Customs. Border agents don't need search warrants or reasonable cause. The random checks, they tell you, are "voluntary," as in, if you don't want to do it, you don't have to come into the United States.
So as the agents outside ransacked the car (out of our sight) and the agents inside pummeled us with questions about what we'd done in Canada, who we'd seen, where we stayed, etc., I began to seethe.
Then an agent came inside, after pawing through all our stuff, and said, "I had to take your Kinder eggs."
We smiled and waited for the punch line.
There wasn't one.
She was serious. She'd confiscated our Kinder eggs.
We first discovered Kinder eggs -- technically called "Kinder Surprise" -- in London when my son was 8 and able to spot the word "toy" no matter how tiny the type. They're hollow chocolate eggs, made by Ferrero, with a plastic container inside. In the container there's a little toy with directions (in pictures, hence the international appeal) on how to put the toy together. With a few simple steps you end up with a plane or a teeter-totter or a little animal.
They provide minutes of fun and the chocolate, while delicious, is an afterthought.
Kinder eggs are illegal in this country. They are, as the border agent told us without a smile or even a twinkle in her eye, "a choking hazard."
Well, duh. Of course they are. But that's obvious going in and the kids who are so young they cram everything down their pieholes can't put the toy together by themselves anyway.
The way it always worked in our family was: A grown-up helps with the toy, the kid and the grown-up have a lovely bonding experience and the grown-up snitches the chocolate.
To think that Congress took the time to pass a law to ban Kinder eggs (or any food with something inedible tucked inside it, according to the Food, Drug and Cosmetic Act of 1938) is a hoot, but not in a good way. That border agents are being tied up confiscating Kinder eggs doesn't seem like a wise use for our Homeland Security personnel.
But what bugs me even more is that Kinder eggs are perfectly legal in Canada, England and every other country on Earth. They're collectibles in Europe, because the toys are so clever. Many are designed by big-name artists.
But stupid Americans -- and I am one, so don't yell at me -- can't handle them. Those kids everywhere else -- and their parents -- are obviously much smarter than us.
Jodee Taylor can be reached at jtaylor@record-eagle.com.
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