Published: July 26, 2008 08:00 pm      

Ed Hungness: I'd seen it all " until this dropped

When you have been around the block a few times, you think that you've seen and heard just about everything.

I once thought I had seen everything when I first observed a gal pay $1.50 for a bottle of water when there was a drinking fountain right next to her. Then there was my initiation to a popular coffee shop where they actually got people to pay $4 for a cup of coffee. Recently, I filled up my gas-guzzler and it cost me $80.

Remember when we all had an antenna up on our roof and TV was free? Today there are people out there who pay to listen to the radio.

I only wish that I had thought of some of these new innovations.

Well, I thought I might have seen it all, but there is always something new just around the corner.

What if I told you that there are women today who will visit a luxury spa and pay $200 to have bird droppings rubbed on their faces? You think I'm kidding, right?

Husbands, get ready. I am about to give you the ultimate gift idea for that special woman in your life. You could give it to her for her birthday or anniversary, or save it until next Mother's Day. Like a diamond ring, it could be the gift that she will always remember.

The new "treatment" is referred to as a "geisha facial," which promoters claim geisha girls of Japan have been using since the 1700s. It is the latest rage in the more upscale spas. Now -- due to popular demand -- you, too, can have bird poop smeared on your face for the reasonable fee of $200. Just remember to tip the beautician at the end of the treatment.

The bird droppings come from a pretty little songbird called a nightingale and its droppings are packed with the enzyme guanine, an amino acid that experts claim heals the skin.

I'll have to remember all this the next time I clean the windshield on my Jeep. The 90-minute facial is reported to leave the skin smooth and supple. It also repairs sun-damaged skin and can be used to remove makeup. Did I mention it's totally organic and fragrance-free? That's something to keep in mind when you kiss her goodnight.

Men, don't feel left out. Monks polish their bald heads with the droppings, as well. I think I'll order some for a few of my buddies who are getting thin on top. It surely will outshine the jelly-of-the-month club I signed them up for last Christmas.

The product is a little pricey, and the way the economy is going I am having reservations about spending that much money for our gift exchange.

As I look out at our dock, I see that it has been recently visited by our resident Canada geese. This started the wheels in my noggin turning. What would be the difference between a nightingale and a goose, anyway?

I always have been sort of a do-it-yourselfer. Stay tuned for future news-breaking developments.

Ed Hungness and his wife owned their cottage on Fife Lake for six years before moving there after his retirement in 2005. His writing draws from life experiences and a love for the outdoors and northern Michigan. He can be reached at edhungness@yahoo.com or care of the Record-Eagle.