Q: My son goes from one thing to another without cleaning up after himself. I frequently have to remind him to clean up something, throw something away, put something away, turn something off or close something. I'm tired of nagging. How can I help him change and reduce my frustration? -- K.N.
A: I don't know how old your son is, or how long he's had these habits. But one thing's for sure, you must put a stop to this now, in his own best interests as well as yours.
If he's a preschooler, a good preschool with appropriate freedom within limits and a focus on responsible behavior, like a Head Start program, would help him (and you) tremendously. If he is in school already, it's possible that he may have a problem with focus and attention. When you are sure there are no physical problems or special needs like hearing or vision, work with him on changing these bad habits.
He needs to be motivated to make changes, just like the rest of us. We are only willing to make changes in our behavior when we see that something good comes from our effort. So what is important to your son? What does he love to do? The things he likes could be rewards for his effort to try to change some of these habits. Praise him and reward him with your attention or little things he loves for ANY improvement.
Don't try to fix everything at once! Start small and work on one or two things at a time. If he's 7 or 8 and can understand what a contract is, you could try one. Here is an example: If he remembers to put away each thing he uses between the hours of 4 p.m. and 8 p.m. he can get a gold star on the calendar. When he earns three stars he can have a reward.
Also make your rules or expectations VERY clear to him. Sit down and talk about it and make a list to put up on the refrigerator. If he is preschool-age he should have a short list with only three goals or tasks. When he becomes successful at these tasks you might want to add a few more. Older children could have a list of five or six goals or tasks. Use the same method.
Put up small signs or posters as reminders in places where he needs reminders. In the bathroom, make a picture poster with a few words that tell him to wash his hands or hang up the towel, or put dirty clothes in the hamper.
Try to find the book by Elizabeth Crary (Parenting Press Inc, Seattle, about $12) called "Pick Up Your Socks ... and Other Skills Growing Children Need!" It's an excellent guide for this problem.
Evelyn Petersen is an award-winning parenting columnist and child and family advocate who lives in Traverse City. E-mail questions to evelynpetersen@yahoo.com. For more columns from Evelyn Petersen, visit record-eagle.com/askevelyn.
Print this story
E-mail this story
