Steve was all set to fill in our tax return a few weeks ago and then decided to go hit balls in the yard. The course wasn't open yet, but that never stops him. Golf is all he can think about. In fact, every time I brought up taxes, he brought up golf, as if the topics are related.
"When are you going to do our taxes?'
"I think I'll go play golf."
"There you go again! Why do you always bring up golf when I bring up taxes?"
"Why do you always bring up taxes?"
"Taxes are a fact of life!"'
"Golf is a fact of life."
"They don't put you in the slammer for not playing golf."
"Not playing golf is like being in the slammer."
"This is ridiculous. It's April, Westrope. We have to do our tax return."
"I can't concentrate. I keep thinking about golf."
"I KNOW! I KNOW! WHY?"
"One makes me think of the other. They're so similar."
"Golf and taxes?"
"Sure. They're both about chipping in."
"Ha. Let's get our paperwork."
"Think about it. They both inspire a sense of duty. (He lays his hand on his heart.) And eagles are involved."
"Oh brother."
"They can both be 'taxing.' I have to watch my form. The IRS and I are both aiming for the green."
"Yeah."
"They both can make me swear."
"Sometimes."
"There are consequences for doing them wrong."
"Well, not ... ."
"And in both cases I have to remember to count absolutely everything."
"You got that right."
"There are hazards all along the way and if I screw up I could end up trapped. Or in deep water."
"I suppose."
"Sometimes I have to consult the experts. (He points to his golf magazine.) But sometimes, all I can do is step back and take a swing at 'er. In either case, I can end up in the hole.
"And just when I think I've given it all I've got, I find if I reach down deep I've still got a little more." (He smiles.)
"There is one difference, though. A bad day in golf is just a bad day in golf. When a person doesn't do a decent job with his taxes, I doubt if the IRS takes excuses. I wonder if I could tell them: 'I was just playing a round?'"
"Please, let's not try it. Let's just get our taxes filed. Tell me, if talking about taxes makes you think about golf, does talking about golf make you think about taxes?"
"No. Why on earth would it?"
Reach Betty Werth at bwestrope@hotmail.com
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