Q: We have a very intelligent 8-month-old. He's beginning to walk, and is exposed almost daily to enrichment opportunities like a play group, library, music and play sessions, plenty of educational toys, fairly regular nap times and very regular bed times. BUT he's is inclined to screaming temper tantrums at unexpected times that include flaying his arms and legs about. He sometimes has sleep interruptions that include crying for an hour. He cannot sit at a restaurant for more than 15 minutes without a screaming, back arching tantrum. What strategies would you suggest for curbing outbursts and what training would be suitable? -- C.R.
A: This must be your first child. The best advice I can give you is to stop expecting too much of this infant, too soon. Observe him to see what he is interested in, and respond accordingly. Accept and ENJOY him as the little individual he is.
At 8 months he still needs the security and consistent home routines that will help him develop trust and confidence, which is a major task for infants. He needs your own cuddling and gentle touch. He needs to hear your voice and see your face as he makes sounds and plays. He needs to enjoy you, his home and his family. You need to get to know him as the unique individual he is, and you can do this best at home, not by putting him into play groups and outside activities, which are best done later, much nearer to age 3. He is an individual with his own budding potential; he is a person to nurture, not a project to direct.
By the way, sitting in an infant seat that is comfortable in a restaurant is OK for a mobile infant only if there are things to hear and see and interact with, but 15 minutes of that is all a child this age can really tolerate. It is normal for infants to let you know when they have had enough and need a change. So yes, your son is certainly intelligent, because this exactly what he is doing ... getting your attention and trying to tell you what he needs.
Go to the site www.iamyourchild.com to learn more about what to expect at different ages and stages. Go to my site www.askevelyn.com to read at least the creative pages about the development of true creativity. Check out the archive of columns as well as my links to other useful resources. And please get the book "Your One Year Old" by Louise B. Ames and Frances Ilg. It's part of a series of practical books that give you the information you need about children's development in an easy-to-read manner. The eight books cover the years from birth to age 8. These classics can be found in bookstores, many libraries, and at www.amazon.com
Note to V.K. You say your child is doing well in kindergarten, but only when the teacher works with her one on one. You also observe that she watches what the others do at school and at play, and then does what they do. I suspect this is a hearing or an auditory perception problem, not a deliberate lack of focus or attention. Get her hearing checked by an audiologist.
Evelyn Petersen is an award-winning parenting columnist and child and family advocate who lives in Traverse City. E-mail questions to evelynpetersen@yahoo.com. For more columns from Evelyn Petersen, visit record-eagle.com/askevelyn.
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