Q: My daughter and I are close but she'd be shocked to know that I dread seeing my 3-year old grandson when we baby-sit every other weekend. He's not a problem child. I just hate baby-sitting, and dislike myself for hating it. I didn't feel this way when he was an infant, but now that he's become a "person" with new needs, it's different. I feel guilty but feel as if I'm going to the gallows as the time comes for him to arrive. Can you help? I just want to change enough to not dread helping my daughter. I don't really expect to really enjoy grandparenthood, though that would be wonderful. -- M.M.
A: As a great-grandma, I totally understand how you feel. More grandparents are raising babies these days, not just baby-sitting them, due to the need for both parents to work. But many of them don't really want to do it.
If they are doing it as a choice to help in this economy that is one thing. But if they don't enjoy it and it's simply a convenience for the child's parents, I say they need to tactfully and firmly insist that the parents find their own baby-sitter like you and I used to do. These days it's wise to interview and get valid references.
Consider being honest and telling them that you don't really enjoy it and would rather be doing other things at this point in your life. It should not be your responsibility to baby-sit just because you're the grandma. If you love it and want to do it as many grandmas do, then it's just fine. But if you don't, you either need to stop or find new ways to enjoy it.
I can help make your baby-sitting lots more fun if you choose to try. Consider learning a little about what a 3-year-old is like and what activities will nurture his development. Get the inexpensive, practical book by Louise Ames and Frances Ilg "Your Three Year Old." Find it in a library, bookstore or on www.amazon.com.
Threes are a delightful age and usually are cooperative and eager to please. Their language and motor skills are developing rapidly, so they enjoy playing outside, taking walks and talking about what they see, hearing stories, reading picture books and acting out rhymes and stories. They love playing dress-up, and pretending to play "house" or "store." They love improvised obstacle courses in the living room, snack picnics on a rug on the living room floor, playing with play dough, helping wash the plastic cups and dishes with you, and helping sort socks to fold. There are hundreds of things you can do together that are fun and that he'll remember all his life.
Please go to my Web site (www.askevelyn.com) and click on the creative pages to find my homemade play dough recipe.
He will love it!
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